every passing moment

is another chance to turn it all around.
so I wish you all the best in 2005.
that we all take the risk,
take the chance,
take the moment and change our fate.

so that when that particular moment comes
when we pass by the one that we like
i hope we find the courage
to turn around and say something.

"much of the unhappiness in the world is caused by
words left unsaid"

so lets speak more from the heart
and less from our mind.

don't just keep on walking,
STOP and turn around.

there is always one moment in our ordinary days
when we have a choice to make,
a No or Yes to say.

I hope you choose the one that scares you the most
because that is usually the one you really want to make.

happy new year 2005!!!

3 pisces back to back

This is pretty cool, this past week I hung out on 2 separate occasions with 2 other pisces and our birthdates are right after each other. Both are friends of 2 different friends. I found out that 1 has her bday before mine and the other has it right after mine, I'm right in the middle and we're from the same year! Isn't it ironic, don't you think? A little too ironic....(alanis song :) I was feeling at one point the youngest and then the oldest. It was kinda cool to hang out with pisces. I see many of the personality traits that I find in myself. We have a lot of energy. I realize now that I only have 1 pisces friend and I hardly see her. Actually back in my childhood my best friend from my neighborhood was born on the same day but she was 1 year younger. Well, I hope to meet more pisces in 2005!!

the reading woman

I was in the book store last night browsing through the calendars and I found this one titled "The Reading Woman" that I really liked. I wanted to buy it just for the description on the back but also because it reminded me of how my friend and I use to take pictures of each other reading books. I didn't buy it however because I already had bought my calendar for next year but today I was looking through the internet and found it and the description which I liked, it was hard to read but I got most of it down, here it is....

"a book is like a garden that you carry in your pocket." arab proverb

description: Whether routes to escape or paths to enlightment, books create ___ worlds that ___ ___ absorb the reader that other realities fade away. A painting of a woman immersed in a book suggests a story of it's own, the woman is at ease or not; perhaps she is silently thrilled by the words she reads. Is she stealing a moment from a daily routine to indulge her love of literature? Is she studiously searching the page for enlightment in this book ___ that will change her life? Little wonder that the reading woman has appeared in art for hundreds of years. She is a beautiful enigma, an untold tale, a fragment of a life momentarily set free from its long, complex story.
(this ___ means i couldn't figure out the word)

My best friend from grade school and I have traveled together since we were 19 years old to many places and on each vacation we had this tradition of posing for each other sitted somewhere reading a book. It's funny how we never forget to do this. When I saw this calendar it reminded me of this. Here we were going to some exotic place to escape from our own world to go to another world and yet escaping a third time through the book. And if you are anything like me, while reading a book I sometimes escape to my own fantasy. Makes you wonder where the hell do you want to be??

I love reading books. I read somewhere that people use books to escape from life..etc. I started to think, do I do this for that reason? I hope not. On occasion I guess I do but that should be okay because for the most part I show up to life, right? who knows. I'm sure we've all heard the expression "this is not a dress rehearsal, this is it, this is life" I know I didn't quote it correctly. I was at a shoe store years back when this salesman told me this, it was cool to hear however I'm thinking whether I buy these shoes or not, I doubt it will change my life :) it's funny, the things you remember.

so where do I want to be right now? I would like to be at some racketball court playing.

talking to strangers

It's nice to see the willingness of people to talk to strangers during this time of season. It never fails that when I'm in a store someone is asking for my opinion on something. Just last night this guy stopped to ask me which coat I'd prefer from 2 he had with him. That was sweet.
Don't you wish it was like this all year round? Well maybe not when you are having a bad day. I was trying on some boots at this store this weekend and this lady walks up to me and asks if I was going to buy them, I'm thinking "why does it matter to her" and she explains because she had a coupon I can use. That was nice.
I did my share as well, I gave away 50% off coupons for coffee to 2 girls behind me in line @ the Borders cafe :)
and i always thought i seemed unapproachable. this has changed my mine. good.

merry christmas to all!!

"Blessed is the season which engages the whole world in a conspiracy of love. "
– Hamilton Wright Mabi

I'm the one searching, she's the one playing

My sister and I on Christmas Eve.
some things never change :)

christmas magic

I think it's been 4 years since I've been able to really get into the Christmas spirit. It's a little sad because my imagination was usually great at taking me to this wonderful, magical place.

So I'm left to think back on those days when Christmas was so inspiring; where writing letters to Santa and opening presents was exciting.

I loved believing in Santa Claus. My sister and I had an extra special Santa. You see our Santa left us a gift on several random nights before Christmas Eve. I never stopped to think of how this didn't fit into the 'real' story of Santa. Instead we'd wake up in anticipation to see if a gift would be lying by our feet. And when we'd find presents we would be so excited and go put them underneath the tree but not before shaking them up and guessing what they could be. Meanwhile, our Santa would listen to our chatter while smiling, satisfied with the look on our face. Santa was very good at keeping 'himself' a secret because although I always tried to spy, staying awake to see if I'd catch a glimpse, I never saw him and I had several nights to work with here!!! :) I think my sister might have figured things out but she never told me and although I sensed she knew something, I never asked. I wanted to believe in something bigger than myself. I guess as kids we knew the importance of believing and taking things as is, instead of what we do too much of now, overanalyzing things to death. This is where magic can get lost.

Now my favorite part of Christmas is writing out my Christmas cards. I love the opportunity to reconnect with all the special people in my life. My childhood nights of presents from Santa are now replaced by my cards from friends. They make me happy just the same. I guess magic comes from a different source as adults and now Santa Claus is someone you'd want to be with underneath the mistletoe.

i hear wedding bells

Sofia got engaged 12/12/04.....hurray!!!! :)
I'm so happy for you girl. How does it feel to be engaged??
She met her love in Athens. Go figure, she leaves Chicago and finds love in Greece.

Now that I think of it, 3 of my best friends got engaged this year --> Sofia, Angie & Sandra!! Congratulations to all of you!!
here's to love

"The consciousness of loving and being loved brings a warmth and richness to life that nothing else can bring."
Oscar Wilde

"And did you get what you wanted in this life even so?
I did
And what is it you wanted?
To call myself beloved
To feel myself beloved on the earth."
Raymond Carver

"Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does. Love is a battle, love is a war; love is a growing up.
Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within."
James Baldwin

company

"what's the point of all this
pointless proximity
if you won't talk,
take me for a walk
through a little story"
- ani di franco


i guess my company for now will be my coffee
and if they make it just right, not too sweet
i'll find comfort with this
a good book and
my dreams

crushes suck because they only exist in your head.
in this book i read, girl meets guy, girl senses interest from guy
and says 'don't think of me that way' and guy thinks that she means that they should only be friends. girls says no, she explains to guy that she meant that she doesn't want to be just his crush, she wants to be more than that, not some person he's conjured up. she wants him to see her for who she is, the good and dark sides of her. exist outside his mind and still be liked maybe loved.

yes crushes are not good if the only date
you have with them are in your imagination on cloud 9 or 8.
they don't make great company.
you need a little give and take.

of course it only stays a crush if you let it
the question is are you willing to put your heart at stake?

the answer is, yes sometimes i do but a little to late.
damn my lips will get up close and personal with a starbucks cup
before I get this kiss. they say good things are worth the wait. :)

space available

1 day I hope to return to Venice and have dinner

1 day I hope to return to Venice and have dinner at this very spot with the person I'm in love with. I was walking by Ponte di Rialto when this passage-way caught my attention for its beauty. I was setting up my camera to take the picture when an employee of the restaurant came by and informed me that his home is in the direction of my viewpoint. I thought "oh, that's nice," and then with a smile , he told me that he would have to charge me for taking the picture. I replied "I'll tell you what I'll do, I will take the picture, develop it and then sell it to you." He laughed and called me 'brava!' (brash or sharp) I smiled and continued on my way. It was a nice day.

my heart in my hands

"please don't leave me standing with my heart in my hands, i can't last here..." Rachel Yamagata pleads in her song "Meet me by the water." I hear this expression in songs all the time and I happen to find this sculpture in Venice while I was there in Spring and here it is. I've felt like this once in my life. To actually feel this desperate, this passionate is to have been in love. Some people wear their 'heart in their sleeve' while others have it locked away, walls surrounding it that are so thick, only a certain someone can break them. If you reach the point where you're willing to offer your heart to someone, to hold it in your hands, to give it away with the realization that it can be broken, that it might not be recieved, instead remain in your hands and passed up by someone you cared for, you are lucky because you had the courage to love, you understand love's value. I thought I was one of those scared people until I met someone who showed me that I wasn't afraid, I was just looking in the wrong place. I hope I find myself once again with 'my heart in my hands.'

love hurts

5 days later....
Saw the film "Closer" and I definitely recommend it. It was very honest. It was about love and the dark side of it. It's about desire, needs and 'lust at first sight' magic. It's about what happens, when you fall out of love, fall into love and the circumstances that bring people together. Many of the characters, when faced with knowing the truth or being lied too, choose to hear the truth even if the truth would hurt them. Jude Law, in asking for truth said that as much as it would pain him to hear it, he would have to hear it because otherwise "if we lie we are just like animals." Who knows, I'm thinking maybe animals are sometimes more kinder than people in relationships.

I was on the train last night heading home listening to some ani di franco when this couple came in and sat down a few feet away. I really didn't pay much attention to them until she was getting ready to leave. She got out of the train and this stranger that was on the train walked beside her and seemed to be congratulating her, maybe supporting her for what she might have done. I looked at her guy friend and he seemed to be disturbed. He appeared to be talking to himself so I turned down my music to hear what was going on. He was mad at what the girl had said. Apparently he was 'dissed' by her. He looked stunned. He started swearing saying things along the lines of "i can't believe she did this" etc. He looked my way while still swearing and began to spit in my direction while looking at me. I'm thinking, oh great, he is in a 'i hate women' moment and unfortunate for me, I'm the only female around. I made it known that I was listening to music and that he doesn't have to worry about the possibility of me having heard how he was dissed. He started hitting the window, ranting the same phrase consisting of swear words over and over again. The guy was in a lot of pain. I guess while women tend to cry when heartbroken, men rely on anger & hateful words (actually women use all 3 :). However, he was doing this in front of everyone and anyone around him. It was stronger than him and his emotions took over. Love hurts.

'closer' than some

Tonight I'm going to see the new film "Closer".... sneak preview. Should be good. (first time blogging :)