Mexico's skies were very dramatic

Mexico's skies were very dramatic day and night. Here are a few pictures I took before the storm. I was hoping to take more while the wind spinned the dirt in a dance but it just got too crazy. It was cool to watch though.

staying afloat

my horoscope yesterday said:

"Ever notice the word 'ship' in relationship? Yep, it's right there at the end. Maybe it's there to remind you that relationships need all hands on deck to stay afloat."

I thought it was an interesting way to look at relationships. This is probably why I always take great care of mine and I can't fathom the thought of letting them go. I don't want to drown!! You see I don't know how to swim, yeah that's weird for a pisces but once I'm in the ocean I don't want to get out, I settle for jumping the waves. I love to do that.

Maybe if I learn how to swim, I can learn how to let go because I wouldn't be so scared of drowning. I would believe in my strength to keep my head above water.

Swimming lessons it is :)

why?

"I understand my misery, I just ended a relationship but you, why these tears? why are you sad? I mean you never even dated! It can't be that bad."

The questions leave WhatMightHaveBeen perplexed and she looks up from her pillow at her friend AtLeastWeTried and says,

"why do you compare your loss to mine?
is this a competition to measure one's pain?
why do you feel that my sadness has no right?

don't you understand that at least you can walk away
knowing that you had a chance to exist
but that now when you kiss it doesn't feel right
and the silence between words is uncomfortable
and some things have to end in order for new ones to begin

that yes you do love the person but are no longer in love
and it's hard to imagine that forever finally came with today
and sometimes we are meant to love more than one person
and it's breaking your heart to let go but you know there is someone
else out there who deserves the other more

you can find some peace of mind in this
and pack up your dreams
pack up your gifts
the letters you wrote to each other
and the photographs that will never lie
and yes your baggage will be heavy
but on those days when you are sad
you'll have memories to revisit
and the touch of love never fades they say
the depths of gratitude go far beyond
the price you have to pay

my baggage is heavy too
but it's full of all the things we didn't do
and empty moments also weigh a lot
and yes I am strong but not when it comes to the heart
and it's difficult to carry all the days we never shared
our first kiss
holding hands
waking up together
our first fight
sharing an umbrella when it rains
making up
"I love you too"
and the kiss that follows that

these things scream at me and on a bad day I can't find some peace

so don't tell me that it wasn't love
or that my heart wasn't broken
that my feelings aren't justified
please just hold me in your arms and tell me that we'll be alright

we end up in the same place
but can't you see that yours was a more colorful ride
and mine was more like black & white

we both lost, have some compassion
try to remember that i don't have many tokens to reminisce on
and the largest one i do have is Why "

love they say enslaves

Last night I met my favorite author, Jeanette Winterson. I went for a reading and signing of her new book, "Lighthousekeeping." This was my first opportunity of having the actual writer read part of her novel and it was a great experience. Here is the first part of what she read:

(excerpt from "Lighthousekeeping")

"I used to be a hopeless romantic. I am still a hopeless romantic. I used to believe that love was the highest value. I still believe that love is the highest value. I don't expect to be happy. I don't think of love as the answer or the solution. I think of love as a force of nature - as strong as the sun, as necessary, as impersonal, as gigantic, as impossible, as scorching as it is warming, as drought-making as it is life-giving. And when it burns out, the planet dies.

My little orbit of life circles love. I daren't get any closer. I'm not a mystic seeking final communion. I don't go out without SPF 15. I protect myself."

I first heard of her in college when we were assigned to read the book, "The Passion," and take it from me, the title speaks for itself. I have so many quotes that have stayed with me. I've read all her books and finally getting to meet the person who can write such beautiful, passionate words and who can feel such intense love for someone else, was surreal and I envy the lucky person!

She is very charming. She spoke of how she memorizes a poem each week. This habit of memorizing began early in her childhood because of her strict upbringing which didn't allow her to have any books accept the Bible. She told us the story of how she use to hide her books under her mattress and the only advantage of having a self-absorbed mother was that it took her a little longer than normal to notice that her bed was getting close to the ceiling. She was especially upset that her secret was found out right when she was reading T.S. Elliot. All her books where burned and that is when she began her habit of creating her own inner library. She said to consider a situation in where all things/people are taken from you and you are put into a prison for example, what would you have then? All you have is what's inside and hopefully you'll find plenty there to keep you company.

She's inspired me to do the same.

This is one passage that I had memorized in college and can still recite now from "The Passion".

"Love, they say, enslaves and passion is a demon and many have been lost for love. I know this is true, but I know to that without love we grope the tunnels of our lives and never see the sun. When I fell in love it was as if i looked into a mirror for the first time and saw myself. I lifted my hand in wonderment and felt my cheeks, my neck. This was me. And when I had looked at myself and grown accustomed to who I was, I was not afraid to hate parts of me because I wanted to be worthy of the mirror bearer."

(one more excerpt :)

"I think now that being free is not being powerful or rich or well regarded or without obligations but being able to love. To love someone else enough to forget about yourself even for a moment is to be free. The mystics and the churchmen talk about throwing off this body and its desires, being no longer a slave to the flesh. They don't say that through the flesh we are set free. That our desire for another will lift us out of ourselves more cleanly than anything divine.

We are lukewarm people and our longing for freedom is our longing for love."