a love song for no one

"Searching all my days
just to find you
I'm not sure who
I'm looking for
I'll know it
When I see you

Until then, I'll hide
in my bedroom
Staying up all night
just to write
A love song for no one

I'm tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
So tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here

I could have met you in a sandbox
I could have passed you on the sidewalk
Could I have missed my chance
And watched you walk away?"

lyrics by John Mayer
...

my coffee mug, bailey and more

invited by Ghost Particle to participate in "International Post A Mug" week,
this is my mug.


the quote reads:

"At the touch of love everyone becomes a poet."
~ Plato ~

(i encourage everyone to participate :)

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i'm also taking the time to introduce my little puppy bailey posing with my coffee cup. i saw him at the register in a hallmark store a few years back and i couldn't resist how adorable he looked. he keeps me company all during the work week. sitting dreamily on one of my computer speakers. he really enjoys my selection of music except ani's guitar and intense voice sometimes scares him :)

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to my biggest fan (plagerizer) from indianfriendfinder.com, nishitarathi, i'm flattered that you left my work untouched although granted some javascript i recently put in might have made you type the stuff by hand and therefore with the time consuming task inspired you to change the title to "a sudden change of words" (originally titled "verb change"). it was quite sudden, the change of words :) last time you kept everything, even my personal note on "ready to embrace my world" you definitely were ready to embrace my writing!! sorry for the extra work. i look forward to reading more of my stuff on your site!
(yes, sarcasm) are you going to copy this as well?

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a little note to an anonymous person who made an "honest" observation (opinion) a few days back. he/she didn't like that i deleted his/her comment but i felt it was rude and so they called me a coward for that and threaten to continue coming back. i don't mind your return visits and i was just wondering did your mom name you anonymous? to put myself out there has already taken me farther then you in the realm of courage and if your comment had an ounce of constructive criticism and not just gradeschool name calling i might have possibly left it there! maybe :)

unraveling the rhythm

flamenco style....

























I took these photographs of Las Guitarras de Espana
when they performed at the Millenium Park on September 2005.

left never felt right

right ---> towards you

left <--- leaving you

left never felt right
but you had left.

and i had never wandered far from where we met.
i call it a spell that i fell under and kept me locked in that moment desperate for your embrace. i built a home with your ghost but it didn't take long before it got too cold and i needed some warmth so i went out looking for you, calling out your name but all i got was silence and a road with so many paths i could take.

at times someone offered me there hand, away from this emptiness that i had but i blocked their eyes because i wasn't ready to accept their gaze.

turn RIGHT

turn left

follow your heart

that's what they said and i did. i felt choiceless. i could no longer pretend that it was okay that i held back, so much had gone unsaid so i dug deep into my heart and found the words to express why at the crossroads i didn't make a left.

my words translated into a map that led me in your path and brought you to me but it didn't bring you completely. the time we spent was borrowed and it drowned me in so much sorrow and i realized that i needed you whole because that was the only way our love stood a chance to grow.

you offered me only pieces and glimpses of what we could be and so much of me was breaking knowing that you were settling for being my guest when i was trying to make a home.

go right ->
go LEFT <-

again with a choice to make but no longer feeling choiceless.

right has your face
and moments that i can't yet describe
but that i know will make me feel alive.

left has someone whose face
I have yet to decide
and who will never bring me your light.

the day my heart found a voice i was freed from all the walls surrounding me, the days i sensed the impossibility of our love blooming, i felt the familiarity of layer by layer of bricks consuming. the day you decided this wasn't our time i stopped walking right and that was the day i was saved.

"our path emerges for awhile and then closes within a dream"
-ernest dowson

love is all about timing, that is what replays in my mind every day and each step i take leaves deeper footprints from all the weight of all that i carry as i walk away. i try to find a reason why it's okay that things have to change, that you couldn't stay.

i turn around once in awhile hoping that i might find you, see your face, see you smiling. i listen closely for your footsteps, try to smell your scent. i'm hoping for the music to my ears, your voice calling out my name.

don't let me get away

i wonder if you'll ever decide to search for me one day and if you do, would you have the map inside of you to guide you to me and would it be too late?

i surrender once again and put my faith in the universe and
i
keep
walking
my
way.

daydreaming

and anticipating a year

of awakening.

(i made this drawing in my h.s. art class.)
...