i felt full and i liked that it was of you

it's been a year since i wrote the sweet surrender story. this story is very dear to me because it was the way i chose to reveal my feelings for someone very special. someone who opened up my world, my eyes, my heart, when our paths crossed 4 years ago. i had carried these feelings with me for over 2 years and finally was ready for you to listen to my heart. i had hopes that my words would reach you, reach your heart and move you like it did for me. my fears were that it would not be enough and that it would leave me feeling empty afterwards, empty of you. i felt full and i liked that it was of you. still i took the risk and i spoke my heart and afterwards i did feel light but it was a lightness that came from finding peace and eventually finding you by my side.

yes, the sweet surrender story continued past page 41 and it still continues to write itself. it may not be in the direction that i'd like it to be but it has surprised me with a wide range of emotions and it has blessed me with many intangible gifts which are priceless and still keep me warm when you're not with me.

everyday is a challenge to surrender to life and let things happen naturally. it's not easy but i do it because i still see a blank page waiting to be written, i still see stories that we can be a part of, i still have hope and i believe that is the key to set me free. not free of you but free of all the fears which i'm afraid sometimes want to write an ending.

and now you don't smoke anymore and i still don't smoke and i still haven't gotten a kiss!!
i feel like sleeping beauty, still waiting for the kiss that will awaken me :)

page 5 [found]

Page 5

i think it's cute how my sticker kept getting your attention. i guess it's because you smoke. i didn't mind. i liked seeing that smile on your face when you were eyeing it and it gave us a reason to talk. and although i rather date a non-smoker i only put the sticker on my notebook because i thought it was cute :)

kiss me!! --i don't smoke!!!-- oh wait you do! i don't care ;)

ss

tulips

the tulips are beautiful!!!

just a quick note to Secret for sending me flowers. i'm not sure why you are so generous but thanks for your sweetness.
it's very kind of you - whomever you are :)
happy spring to you as well!

the distance is making you fade

it's finally slipping away

as much as i tried to keep it alive

time is playing its part

the distance

is making you

fade

page 38[found]
ss

word cloud

update: here's the one i bought!
i should be getting it soon :)






this site uses software to scan the widely used words
in your blog. this is mine. i love it!!

barrett, madelyn and mermaid made the cloud!! :)

i'm actually going to buy the t-shirt accept
i'm going to make a few changes (to many repetitive words)
- ou can do that-
i think everyone should try it!!
go and make your Word Cloud.

florence

i was working on this image last darkroom day. i took this photograph of a marble floor artwork in a florence church. [art history majors] can someone help me with the name of the artist? i am so bad with details!!

underneath my skin

there's an endless story.... (new blog for my photographs)

this was unintentional. never knew how annoyingly hard it would be to do a self-portrait. i was struggling. my camera needs something to focus on for the self-timer to work (not the case w/other cameras) so it proved to be difficult. i should have took my friend on her offer. nonetheless, this is my fav shot of me ;)

madelyn's mix

of love songs.
it was great to hear some familiar songs as well as new ones.
hearing the first track made me smile, hurray, fall at your feet!! heavenly. i'm working on yours. i had to post the cover because it was so creative.
thank you for the precious gifts!!

my postcard arrived. (<-- click to view) you are a sweetheart madelyn. (i hope soon you get what i sent!! :)

i know i loved

"I know
I
loved
and
lost.

Then
I made the mistake
of
not
loving enough,
and

won."

...

j.winterson

today is my birthday!!

i'll be making wishes all day long :)


and dressing up for the occasion.

(my sister and i)

our eyes locked

on a night out in a place
where love tries to find a beginning
or drown an ending

our eyes locked from across the darklit room
all of a sudden everyone seem to have disappeared
except you
glowing
an ornament of exposed sensuality
leaning on the wall looking at me
i don't know what we started writing that night

the look on your face i know mirrored my own
your eyes invited and mine accepted
-suddenly-
a swarm of people passed by taking you from my view
i felt my heart skip a beat

you started walking towards me
slow motion or so it seemed
and i savored it slowly

finally in front of me
i didn't have to say yes



the music overflowed my thoughts
your arms held me close
our bodies in sync
this intimacy so intoxicating
you smell of hope and dreams

and then as if you knew
you spinned me and
at that moment you won me

i don't know what we started writing that night.

special delivery from madelyn

Saturday afternoon I recieved a colorful envelope full of many gifts from the lovely Madelyn whom I just met recently, in fact this year. I'm so glad we ran into each other through Barrett's blog. It seems we have similiar taste; she sent me a Pablo Neruda poetry book, origami paper, decorative paper, a journal and a gel pen. Thank you for brightening up my weekend. I felt like a little girl on my birthday. (I'm not use to recieving out-of-the-blue gifts, it feels so good!) I can't wait to get started on my gift. I already have some ideas...!

here's a small excerpt from the book she gave me.
Pablo Neruda's The Separate Rose

"the flower of a virgin smiling at herself,
at the sun, at the tiny bells of noon,
at the church of Father Englert, buried there,
and yes, smiling, full of this distant happiness
like a small wine pitcher that sings."
(i love that image)

A cute little surprise that Madelyn sent was a Ballerina Sticker Doll book in where I get to dress her up in a costume...how do you like my selection?

This gave me a trip down memory lane; I use to take ballet and tap dance classes and I loved it!! I remember lining up next to the handle bar and practicing graceful moves, trying to stand on my tiptoes, twirling like a ballerina....it was so exciting. We had performances at the end of the season and it was such a rush dancing for an audience in our beautiful costumes. I remember the busy backstage and then being huddled by the staircase of the stage looking at the dancers performing and anxiously awaiting for my turn. I don't remember being nervous. I don't think I was. I guess this is what brought my passion to spin and spin and spin until dizzy. I think in another lifetime I will be (or was) a dancer ;)

can you find me? (hint: i'm the one with the great leg movement :) I loved those shoes!! I use to love my ballerina square bag with that special compartment for the ballet shoes.

Thank you Madelyn :)