Thursday, April 14, 2005

why?

"I understand my misery, I just ended a relationship but you, why these tears? why are you sad? I mean you never even dated! It can't be that bad."

The questions leave WhatMightHaveBeen perplexed and she looks up from her pillow at her friend AtLeastWeTried and says,

"why do you compare your loss to mine?
is this a competition to measure one's pain?
why do you feel that my sadness has no right?

don't you understand that at least you can walk away
knowing that you had a chance to exist
but that now when you kiss it doesn't feel right
and the silence between words is uncomfortable
and some things have to end in order for new ones to begin

that yes you do love the person but are no longer in love
and it's hard to imagine that forever finally came with today
and sometimes we are meant to love more than one person
and it's breaking your heart to let go but you know there is someone
else out there who deserves the other more

you can find some peace of mind in this
and pack up your dreams
pack up your gifts
the letters you wrote to each other
and the photographs that will never lie
and yes your baggage will be heavy
but on those days when you are sad
you'll have memories to revisit
and the touch of love never fades they say
the depths of gratitude go far beyond
the price you have to pay

my baggage is heavy too
but it's full of all the things we didn't do
and empty moments also weigh a lot
and yes I am strong but not when it comes to the heart
and it's difficult to carry all the days we never shared
our first kiss
holding hands
waking up together
our first fight
sharing an umbrella when it rains
making up
"I love you too"
and the kiss that follows that

these things scream at me and on a bad day I can't find some peace

so don't tell me that it wasn't love
or that my heart wasn't broken
that my feelings aren't justified
please just hold me in your arms and tell me that we'll be alright

we end up in the same place
but can't you see that yours was a more colorful ride
and mine was more like black & white

we both lost, have some compassion
try to remember that i don't have many tokens to reminisce on
and the largest one i do have is Why "

11 comments:

transience said...

oh, lorena. that hits me right here. so many questions and not enough answers...

Lorena said...

yup love's a bitch! :) and anything disguised as it

Cocaine Jesus said...

rumour has it that boys don't cry. especially hard nosed dinosaurs like moir.
rumours wrong.
painful to write and painful to read.
x

EGO SVM CAROLVS said...

It's hard to shed the baggages, isn't it? But I think it's because the past, though heavy and burdensome, will never betray us. They are the inalterable truths that define us. They answer the who and the why; especially useful when we need to be reminded of that once in a while. :)

Stan said...

Hi Lorena, nicely done. I've been in both places often enough and you're right, it's better to have had love and lost it than to never have had it and to yearn and imagine and wait and be endlessly hard on yourself. Especially pitifull are the poor people who may not be attractive enough for some reason, either physically or mentally, and for whom life seems to be passing them by. I am very very lucky to be in the third place, where love is a present reality.

Pezgirl said...

I love this post. It's all that RR (relationship residue) that gets everyone doesn't it?

eden said...

very touching and well written.nicely done!

-raindrops- said...

"my baggage is heavy too
but it's full of all the things we didn't do
and empty moments also weigh a lot"

hits home. i love how you wrote this. i, too, reminisce about the non-existent past.

Lorena said...

wow cocaine jesus, it's amazing that you were able to feel it as i did when i wrote it. thanks for the X :)

carolvs, beautiful way to put things in perspective. very much appreciated, thanks :)

Stan, you are lucky indeed. Thanks for sharing your experienced point of view.

thanks pezgirl! yeah, it does especially on those lonely days.

thanks eden! :)

thank you rain :)
yeah, when you find someone special in this great BIG world all you want to do is keep it close to you but along the way you get left behind in the past and so comes the pain.

Roger Stevens said...

Nicely written. I enjoyed that.

Well, enjoyed in the intellectual sense. That emotional state's not so hot is it? But it is far better to have loved...

The person you need to talk to is Letsgiveitanothergo!

Lorena said...

thank you Roger!

and actually it would be givemeONEchance who i would have to talk too :)