Monday, March 06, 2006

our eyes locked

on a night out in a place
where love tries to find a beginning
or drown an ending

our eyes locked from across the darklit room
all of a sudden everyone seem to have disappeared
except you

an ornament of exposed sensuality
leaning on the wall looking at me
i don't know what we started writing that night

the look on your face i know mirrored my own
your eyes invited and mine accepted
a swarm of people passed by taking you from my view
i felt my heart skip a beat

you started walking towards me
slow motion or so it seemed
and i savored it slowly

finally in front of me
i didn't have to say yes

the music overflowed my thoughts
your arms held me close
our bodies in sync
this intimacy so intoxicating
you smell of hope and dreams

and then as if you knew
you spinned me and
at that moment you won me

i don't know what we started writing that night.


Pincushion said...

This is life-unfolding poetry..I almost felt like a voyeur..watching that electricity flow between two people..but most of all i loved the starting verse...
' on a night out in a place
where love tries to find a beginning
or drown an ending'

Lovely outdo yourself!

Maddy said...

oh my!!!!!!!!!

"...or drown an ending"

I just love that line to bits-
it's so strong - because we
know how hard it is for anything
of importance to end - to "drown"
it is a fantastic word -
almost a despair and then
with that word you bring in
hope and joy and re-birth of
love and the line

"...i don't know what we started
writing that night..."

"smiles" to me of the euphoria-
where you can hardly remember
your name - you are so suffused
with the excitement of fluttery
newness of love...



Maddy said...

And that tremendous photo-
dancing truly captures
everything a new love
makes you feel - abandon
and euphoria.

sirbarrett said...

You started writing something seductive. Sweet scene you depict. Are you sure it's such a good idea to be dancing on windows like that though? What if they break?

ArchanaD said...

liked the poem... especially the opening lines :)
if i could give my 2 cents, theres probably a typo here... shouldn't the 6th line read 'except you' instead of 'accept you'?

also, strictly my personal opinion - if you remove the line 'you smell of hopes and dreams', the poem would sound even better. somehow, with the fluttery tone of the earlier lines, the hopes and dreams bring in the commitment bit which is not in consonance with teh rest of the poem. but again, its strictly your choice. liked it anyways!

also, think i missed your b'day. wish you a very happy belated one :)

allister said...

'on a night out in a place
where love tries to find a beginning
or drown an ending' I agree, this is a great intro. So which were you? Finding a beginning or drowning an end?

mermaid said...

I like the image of the legs writing in sync, especially with the picture. I also liked how you left out the faces, to focus on the legs, the dance, the music, and writing a new song.



This post is glowing, in a word. Loved the refreshing change of font.


Benjamin said...

don't know if you took it but thats a wonderful shot.

Lorena said...

pincushion:: thank you :) i'm so bad when it comes to detail. i'm trying to work on that but it's encouraging to read your comment.

madelyn :: thanks! i love your comment "fluttery newness of love" :)
yeah with the right person dancing definitely does.

sirbarrett :: was it seducing? i was aiming at that! no windows i swear :)

archanaD :: thanks for the correction (my mistake) i do understand about taking that line so that it's less commitment however i think that finding hope in such a situation doesn't necessarily mean that the person is taking it so quickly to another level. i think it's great to meet people who remind you that there really is more than one person for you especially when you try to hold unto one that is a past memory now. thanks for the feedback :)

allister :: hi and thanks :) i would be the one trying to find a beginning!

mermaid :: and i like your comment :) thank you.

carolvs :: thank you!

benjamin :: thanks i did :)

ss said...

lovely piece of poetry..i absolutely loved the pic that you have chosen for goes well with the verses..

Russell Ragsdale said...

We're usually so hesitant in life, as if pain and joy were choices we could make. I loved it that you took us with you; that we got swept away.

bert moth said...

You painted such a lovely and hopeful picture of that elusive spark. I think it's rare when the flint and match are moving in harmony like that.

grumblefish said...

I'm not so sure that you ever
start or stop writing anything, Lorena- it's more like a continuum,
in which the pen runs dry, then kicks in again, and fades to nada
after a while. The presense of any
words seems secondary to the acts
of recording and narrating, which
goes on, unabated. Now and then,
you notice the form of the words
(which, as always, are beautifully
revealed in your prose), but even
if they're not apparent, the
process goes on, like life itself.
The path from your eyes to your
words seems so delightfully direct.

bablu said...

Wonderful to see a Poetess @ work

Maddy said...

I love that word "glowing"
-it's true what carolvs said-
your poetry glows...

Lorena said...

ss :: thank you for your kind words. glad you visited :)

russell ragsdale :: thank you, i like the idea that i could have swept someone away and so true what you said about pain and joy, only so much is in our control. glad you shared this.

Ô¿Ô :: it is rare you are right so when it happens it feels surreal. thanks for the lovely words.

grumblefish :: i love your poetic comment :) you make me seem so fascinating! ;) you must be a writer in profession? thank you for the encouragement and inspiration you left here!

bablu :: i love that title! thanks for the smile it brought me :)

madelyn :: aahh thank you. my spirit is glowing from all these lovely comments.

Marc said...

"An ornament of exposed sensuality" - I love it.

Lorena said...

thank you Marco :)

Anna Piutti said...

I just reread this, and I thought I'd let you know how much I love it.
This poem is warmth.