where love tries to find a beginning
or drown an ending
our eyes locked from across the darklit room
all of a sudden everyone seem to have disappeared
except you
glowing
an ornament of exposed sensuality
leaning on the wall looking at me
i don't know what we started writing that night
the look on your face i know mirrored my own
your eyes invited and mine accepted
-suddenly-
a swarm of people passed by taking you from my view
i felt my heart skip a beat
you started walking towards me
slow motion or so it seemed
and i savored it slowly
finally in front of me
i didn't have to say yes
the music overflowed my thoughts
your arms held me close
our bodies in sync
this intimacy so intoxicating
you smell of hope and dreams
and then as if you knew
you spinned me and
at that moment you won me
i don't know what we started writing that night.
16 comments:
This is life-unfolding poetry..I almost felt like a voyeur..watching that electricity flow between two people..but most of all i loved the starting verse...
' on a night out in a place
where love tries to find a beginning
or drown an ending'
Lovely lorena..you outdo yourself!
:)
You started writing something seductive. Sweet scene you depict. Are you sure it's such a good idea to be dancing on windows like that though? What if they break?
liked the poem... especially the opening lines :)
if i could give my 2 cents, theres probably a typo here... shouldn't the 6th line read 'except you' instead of 'accept you'?
also, strictly my personal opinion - if you remove the line 'you smell of hopes and dreams', the poem would sound even better. somehow, with the fluttery tone of the earlier lines, the hopes and dreams bring in the commitment bit which is not in consonance with teh rest of the poem. but again, its strictly your choice. liked it anyways!
also, think i missed your b'day. wish you a very happy belated one :)
'on a night out in a place
where love tries to find a beginning
or drown an ending' I agree, this is a great intro. So which were you? Finding a beginning or drowning an end?
I like the image of the legs writing in sync, especially with the picture. I also liked how you left out the faces, to focus on the legs, the dance, the music, and writing a new song.
::glowing::
This post is glowing, in a word. Loved the refreshing change of font.
:]
don't know if you took it but thats a wonderful shot.
pincushion:: thank you :) i'm so bad when it comes to detail. i'm trying to work on that but it's encouraging to read your comment.
madelyn :: thanks! i love your comment "fluttery newness of love" :)
yeah with the right person dancing definitely does.
sirbarrett :: was it seducing? i was aiming at that! no windows i swear :)
archanaD :: thanks for the correction (my mistake) i do understand about taking that line so that it's less commitment however i think that finding hope in such a situation doesn't necessarily mean that the person is taking it so quickly to another level. i think it's great to meet people who remind you that there really is more than one person for you especially when you try to hold unto one that is a past memory now. thanks for the feedback :)
allister :: hi and thanks :) i would be the one trying to find a beginning!
mermaid :: and i like your comment :) thank you.
carolvs :: thank you!
benjamin :: thanks i did :)
lovely piece of poetry..i absolutely loved the pic that you have chosen for it..it goes well with the verses..
We're usually so hesitant in life, as if pain and joy were choices we could make. I loved it that you took us with you; that we got swept away.
You painted such a lovely and hopeful picture of that elusive spark. I think it's rare when the flint and match are moving in harmony like that.
Wonderful to see a Poetess @ work
ss :: thank you for your kind words. glad you visited :)
russell ragsdale :: thank you, i like the idea that i could have swept someone away and so true what you said about pain and joy, only so much is in our control. glad you shared this.
Ô¿Ô :: it is rare you are right so when it happens it feels surreal. thanks for the lovely words.
grumblefish :: i love your poetic comment :) you make me seem so fascinating! ;) you must be a writer in profession? thank you for the encouragement and inspiration you left here!
bablu :: i love that title! thanks for the smile it brought me :)
madelyn :: aahh thank you. my spirit is glowing from all these lovely comments.
"An ornament of exposed sensuality" - I love it.
thank you Marco :)
I just reread this, and I thought I'd let you know how much I love it.
This poem is warmth.
Post a Comment