Thursday, March 30, 2006

i felt full and i liked that it was of you

it's been a year since i wrote the sweet surrender story. this story is very dear to me because it was the way i chose to reveal my feelings for someone very special. someone who opened up my world, my eyes, my heart, when our paths crossed 4 years ago. i had carried these feelings with me for over 2 years and finally was ready for you to listen to my heart. i had hopes that my words would reach you, reach your heart and move you like it did for me. my fears were that it would not be enough and that it would leave me feeling empty afterwards, empty of you. i felt full and i liked that it was of you. still i took the risk and i spoke my heart and afterwards i did feel light but it was a lightness that came from finding peace and eventually finding you by my side.

yes, the sweet surrender story continued past page 41 and it still continues to write itself. it may not be in the direction that i'd like it to be but it has surprised me with a wide range of emotions and it has blessed me with many intangible gifts which are priceless and still keep me warm when you're not with me.

everyday is a challenge to surrender to life and let things happen naturally. it's not easy but i do it because i still see a blank page waiting to be written, i still see stories that we can be a part of, i still have hope and i believe that is the key to set me free. not free of you but free of all the fears which i'm afraid sometimes want to write an ending.

and now you don't smoke anymore and i still don't smoke and i still haven't gotten a kiss!!
i feel like sleeping beauty, still waiting for the kiss that will awaken me :)


23 comments:

Anna Piutti* said...

Hey, Sleeping Beauty...that's beautiful! :)

Maddy said...

"loves first snow-drop,
virgin kiss."

Robert Burns

Sk8RN said...

surrender to life... I am trying so hard to do that myself right now. I have a "love interest," so to speak. But I am trying so hard not to try to stear the ship and to just let things happen organically. They move so much slower that way, which is simultaneously exciting and exacerbating! ;-)

Lorena said...

anna :: thank you. i feel like drew barrymore in that film "never been kissed" :)

maddy :: thanks for the lovely quote :)

sk8rn :: i agree. i don't like to rush into love. i like to savor it slowly :) good luck to both of us!

Luanne said...

I agree with you on not rushing love. Your thoughts are so honest... Good luck! I pray that you get that magical kiss soon! =)

Neil said...

Just passing through and found your blog. That was a beautiful post you wrote a year ago!

Devil Mood said...

Writing is wonderful and addictive. I had a similar situation last year: I was writing something and I couldn't stop it because it would mean letting go of my dreams. It also happened that what I was writing took a life of its own and I couldn't control it (that always happens to me). That's why it is so magical.

Nabeel said...

beautiful quote madelyn .. and beautiful post lorena .. i agree .. we have to let things happen naturally .. there is no other way. Just .. we have to believe in fate!

beautifully written, your thoughts and feelings.

you two girls .. you are full of beautiful thoughts ..

Benjamin said...

I don't know if you got my last comment but I really liked 'Sweet Surrender' and I feel for you here. Can only add to Luanne's comment that that magical kiss is surely out there in your future waiting for the right moment to arrive.

Hmm... I had a quite, I don't know if it was magical, sure was a pretty passionate snog this morning actually. The intensity of it taking me quite by surprise. Too early to say whether thats love or lust for me so... hmm.

Anyway, take care, Lorena and keep snapping, mate x

Benjamin said...

I don't know if you got my last comment but I really liked 'Sweet Surrender' and I feel for you here. Can only add to Luanne's comment that that magical kiss is surely out there in your future waiting for the right moment to arrive.

Hmm... I had a quite, I don't know if it was magical, sure was a pretty passionate snog this morning actually. The intensity of it taking me quite by surprise. Too early to say whether thats love or lust for me so... hmm.

Anyway, take care, Lorena and keep snapping, mate x

sirbarrett said...

Lorena, I hope you get a soft, sensual hushing kiss soon -the kind that happens fast, cuts you off in mid sentence and shocks you but then you let it sit in the air as you realize what has actually happened. Your openess and caution about love are a huge turn on because you value it. It's bound to happen to you sometime.

Gangadhar said...

Dat's so beautiful..
And all the best,Lorena!!!

Maddy said...

I want what Barrett described...
loverly.

Luanne said...

i'm with maddy... I want what barret described! *sigh*

Lorena said...

luanne :: thank you. i wish the same for you :)

neil :: thank you :) glad you dropped by!

devil mood :: i agree! it does take on a life of its own.

nabeel :: fate is lovely. so long as we help it along. yes i do believe in it.
thank you for reading and for the lovely comment :)

benjamin :: i did get your lovely comment, thanks! i was happy to see people still replying to my other post!!
kisses of all kinds are delicious i'm sure :)
and thanks - i'm definitely ready!
take care as well!!

sirbarrett :: wow, i hope I DO get that kind of kiss soon, how romantic!!!!!! i would think those that catch you by surprise are the best!!
and thanks for filling me with hope :)

gangadhar :: thanks! :)

maddy & luanne**i join you all with wanting what barrett described. barrett you are responsible for having us longing for the kiss you described!! :)

mermaid said...

I picture a blank page being written with each new post of yours. Whether it's a happy one, a sad one, or somewhere in between, I picture those chocolate eyes reading them with fascination and acceptance.

Sometimes it's all we can do. Keep creating those blank slates and filling them.

-raindrops- said...

lore...this is so sweet.Ü

Potted-flower said...

I like the smell of cigarettes. And the sight of blank pages. My site, now.

Ghost Particle said...

very nice, beautiful and honest...

GEL said...

Mermaid eloquently pinpointed how I've pictured you ever since discovering your blog.

Too many view love much too lightly. Often it IS when you least expect it, that true love occurs, rather like awakening you from that loveless sleep. Meanwhile, your view on life and activities show a "joie de vivre" that is infectious!

Pincushion said...

Oh this is so tender and sweet!..and yes cherish it and nurture it and it shall be yours..and yes sometimes we don't appreciate what we do have..and then its too late..but then i think you are wise and you will get it just right!
Good luck my dear!
:))

amitken said...

Wow!

may there never be an end to your story :) keep living it...

Lorena said...

mermaid :: what a beautiful comment :) i love your description of brown eyes, now i will think of them that way! and yes, that is all we can do. sweet surrender.

thank you rain :) good to see you again!

potted-flower :: what a delightful surprise. so you are moving in here? :)

thanks ghost particle!

silvermOOn :: thanks! :) it's good to hear. "loveless sleep" imagine the dreams that come out of that. thanks for the lovely comment.

pincushion :: i appreciate your faith in me :) thanks!

amitken :: thank you. i wish the same for all of us :)