it's been a year since i wrote the sweet surrender story. this story is very dear to me because it was the way i chose to reveal my feelings for someone very special. someone who opened up my world, my eyes, my heart, when our paths crossed 4 years ago. i had carried these feelings with me for over 2 years and finally was ready for you to listen to my heart. i had hopes that my words would reach you, reach your heart and move you like it did for me. my fears were that it would not be enough and that it would leave me feeling empty afterwards, empty of you. i felt full and i liked that it was of you. still i took the risk and i spoke my heart and afterwards i did feel light but it was a lightness that came from finding peace and eventually finding you by my side.
yes, the sweet surrender story continued past page 41 and it still continues to write itself. it may not be in the direction that i'd like it to be but it has surprised me with a wide range of emotions and it has blessed me with many intangible gifts which are priceless and still keep me warm when you're not with me.
everyday is a challenge to surrender to life and let things happen naturally. it's not easy but i do it because i still see a blank page waiting to be written, i still see stories that we can be a part of, i still have hope and i believe that is the key to set me free. not free of you but free of all the fears which i'm afraid sometimes want to write an ending.
and now you don't smoke anymore and i still don't smoke and i still haven't gotten a kiss!!
i feel like sleeping beauty, still waiting for the kiss that will awaken me :)